TrueSport: April 2021 - Conflict & Resolution

It’s been a full year since the COVID-19 pandemic began, forcing coaches, parents and athletes to change how they viewed team sports. Entire seasons, including practices and competitions, were canceled, and for many, the future of youth sport is still uncertain. The pandemic forced coaches to quickly figure out new ways to connect with athletes and parents took a more active role in helping kids practice skills and techniques.

While this time has been difficult for everyone, there have been some moments of clarity and insight that have come from the past 12 months. Coaches realized that the mental game is as important as the physical one. Parents realized how overscheduled their children (and they) were. And kids learned just how resilient they could be when faced with canceled games, the loss of an important season and a lack of in-person social interactions.

“Prior to the pandemic, we were often too busy and overscheduled,” says Sandy Briggs, the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency’s (USADA’s) Chief Financial Officer. “This time gave us a chance to hit reset and remember what is most important and then figure out how to make and maintain those connections in our new socially distanced environment. When we get back to practice and game play, I hope we can refocus on what our youth love about sports: friends, fun, teamwork, and play.”

Here are more lessons learned and takeaways from TrueSport experts, coaches, and athletes after one year of COVID-19.

Self-care for coaches, parents, and athletes is critical

As a coach or parent, it may be tough to carve out time for yourself when you’re trying to help your student athlete deal with remote school and solo sport practices, but everyone needs time for self-care, even if it’s only a few minutes. “The biggest challenge was reminding myself that I needed to take care of myself first in order to help all those I work with,” says TrueSport Expert and psychologist Melissa Streno, PsyD.

“I learned that it is so important to take time for yourself each day,” says Rick Swan, Head Coach of Colorado College Women’s Volleyball team. “Step away from your daily routine in your home office. Go for a walk, go for a run, get out of the house. I hope that when this is over, we continue to remember the necessity of self-care. To be your best self, you must first take care of yourself both physically and mentally.”

Being adaptable is important in any circumstance

Shifting to virtual practice, FaceTime core workouts, Zoom team meetings and solo training hasn’t been easy for athletes, or for the coaches trying to prepare for seasons that may or may not come to fruition. Teams have always needed to adapt to things like weather or injury, but never before has the need to roll with the punches been so critical to a team’s success. “I think that the biggest lesson I’ve learned in this is to be flexible,” says Paralympian Aaron Scheidies. “Have an alternative plan for when your initial plans change, because in the world we are in right now, nothing is concrete. We must be able to adapt to new situations and new ways of doing things.”

Those who had the easiest time adjusting to a new way of life were those who had support systems already in place, either through school, team, or family. “The biggest lesson learned was trusting the process, as well as my support bubble, throughout so many unpredictable and uncertain events,” Streno added. “This allowed me to slow down and find more appreciation for things I might normally take for granted.”

There is more than one way to coach and train

“It’s been interesting to see the variety of ways that different athletes and families did -- and did not -- adapt to pandemic-related changes,” says Michele LaBotz, MD, FAAP, a TrueSport Expert and sports medicine physician. “While some programs and athletes pushed against or worked around imposed restrictions, others completely backed away from any training or participation, and others used the opportunity to ‘change things up’ and explore different options to train for their sport, or even try something completely new.”

“I was so heartened to see the numbers of families that were outside taking bike rides, hikes or just walking together as a unit, and loved hearing reports of families spending more time cooking and eating together,” she added. “I suspect this was mostly to take a break from sitting in front of computer screens all day for school, but I hope that athletes and families are able to hold onto that concept of family meals and family-oriented recreation and physically active lifestyles, even as youth begin to re-engage in more structured sport activity.”

And coaches also found new ways to talk about training and sport, thanks to the time and space to start communicating with other coaches outside of their usual bubble. “The biggest lesson learned is that when sport was impacted by the pandemic, the time “freed up” allowed coaches to collaborate and learn from fellow coaches in over 100 nations using Zoom and other online platforms,” says John Kessel, former Director of Sport Development for USA Volleyball.

You can only control what you can control

“The biggest lesson I learned through COVID-19 is the value of only focusing on things that are within your control,” says Jordan Wilimovsky, Olympic swimmer. “With the Olympic Games being postponed and pool space and training opportunities being difficult to find, it easy to become overwhelmed. Focusing on things I could control, such as taking advantage of the pool time we had and finding ways to improve outside the pool through nutrition and diet, helped to move me in the right direction.”

Coaches and parents couldn’t control when kids would be able to compete again -- but they could control how practices looked, what skills kids could work on outside of team practice, and how athletes could continue to interact virtually when not together in person.

We can choose to grow in times like these

Resilience has always been important, but never more so than now. “Everyone will experience other times of true upheaval and disruption in their lives,” says Dr. Deborah Gilboa, MD, TrueSport Expert and board-certified family physician. “Student athletes and the adults who coach and raise them can learn from this time the strategies they need to handle massive disruption. That way, the next time it finds you, you'll know better how to explain what's happening to you, how to solve problems, and how -- and who -- to ask for help.”

“The biggest lesson I’ve learned after one year of COVID-19 is that adversities build strength and resilience,” says Abby Raymond, USA National Team Member with USA Weightlifting and TrueSport Athlete Ambassador. “Without struggles, we wouldn’t have any opportunities to grow or learn. 2020 has been such a great year for practicing patience, trust, and perseverance! One thing I hope youth sport takes away from this experience is perseverance: Learning to persevere through hardships and challenging times is so important to developing character and becoming open to growth.”

“I learned that I am more resilient than I thought I was,” says David Plummer, an Olympian who sits on USADA’s Board of Directors and a Leadership and Performance consultant with Premier Sport Psychology and JSA Advising. “I think we are all being pushed in ways that we never have been before and having to deal with new issues daily. The one thing I try to remind myself is that I am more resilient than I think that I am and that every challenge is an opportunity to learn. This past year has been full of opportunities to learn, opportunities we never really wanted, but opportunities, nonetheless.”

Relationships require maintenance

When school and sports went remote, it was easy for kids (and parents) to start spending time in a small bubble of their household, with very little outside communication. For 18-year-old multisport athlete Anna, the pandemic has taught her that relationships take work, especially when you can’t see friends in school and at practice. “Before the pandemic, I took for granted the time I was able to spend with these people and did not dedicate enough time to keeping up with them,” she says.

“I’ve learned that our teammates and coaches are people who you should maintain positive relationships with,” she adds. "Reach out to them, make sure they are okay, and keep in touch. Everyone is needing this sport community connection at this time and it is missed so much! In a time where self- isolation is encouraged, I’ve learned that it is extremely important to reach out to the people you care about and to not let one thing stop you from maintaining these unique and special relationships.”

Sport isn't just about the physical benefits

Coaches and parents have never been more aware of how crucial sport is for young athlete’s mental health, in addition to their physical well-being. “Sport is so essential to the physical and mental well-being of young athletes, thus it’s imperative we find creative ways to maintain opportunities to play safely,” says Dr. Matthew Fedoruk, USADA Chief Science Officer.

“I hope that we now have more of an awareness of youth mental health and the significant role that organized sport plays in the well-being of young people,” adds Nadia Kyba, a registered social worker and founder of NowWhatFaciliatation.com. “Sport is not just there to provide an opportunity for exercise: it benefits young people by giving them community, security, a sense of belonging and wellness. During the pandemic we have seen these opportunities removed from the lives of young people and we have seen a rise in youth depression and anxiety. I hope that this will highlight the responsibility organized sports have in providing this necessary opportunity for young people.”

Another student athlete, 11-year-old Grant, admits that it’s been a tough year without sport. “My biggest challenge was being in school online. I missed my friends and doing my work online without being in person was frustrating,” he says. “And not being able to do sports like regular this year was a really bad thing. Doing sports is good for kids and we need workouts and sports to be in shape and happy.”

And even as the pandemic begins to subside, it’s not just about return to sport for athletes who were already involved. Now that we know how important sport is to overall health, spreading that message beyond already-sporty kids is important. “Access to sport is essential for all kids and I’m hoping that there is more recognition that even in the best of times, access is too limited,” says Travis Tygart, USADA Chief Executive Officer. “We must do better to ensure every child has a chance and opportunity to try and play as many different sports as they want, otherwise they will miss out on fun and important life lessons.

Gratitude is critical

“It has been a very challenging year to say the least. I've learned, and remembered, to be thankful for the blessings that I do have, such as a good job, health, friends and family,” says Judy Sandlin, a clinical professor at Texas A&M. “With all the undesirable things that have happened over the past year, it is easy to get sucked into the negativity in our current society. By practicing gratitude, it helps me stay positive, appreciative, hopeful and optimistic.”

Vicki Vaughan, basketball athletic director at the Colorado Springs School, adds “I learned to slow down, and to have more gratitude for the things I do have. As an athletic director, I found it very challenging to find silver linings when seasons were cancelled, and schedules shortened due to the pandemic and risks involved. My hope is that athletes in general learn to appreciate the privilege of participation and embrace more opportunities moving forward to play sport and learn from the experience.”

And even when it’s hard to spot big things to be grateful for, Matt Sicchio, USADA Chief Operating Officer, notes that he’s learned to look for the little things. “I can be better at finding the small moments of gratitude and joy even while looking for positive news on the horizon and anticipating a return to some semblance of normalcy,” he adds. As a parent or a coach, practicing gratitude yourself and urging your kids to do the same can make a big difference in your overall outlook.

Takeaway

Before the pandemic, youth sports weren’t perfect. And maybe post-pandemic, the lessons we’ve learned in the last year can help guide us to a healthier, happier sport model for youth. “In a perfect world, the youth sports community will use this moment to do a major reset,” says Sicchio. “I miss watching my kids play. But I don’t miss the ill-placed emphasis on early sport-specialization, being ‘seen’ by the right coaches, winning at all costs, the blatant financial drivers of the organized youth sports system that we’ve allowed to overshadow true youth development through sport, traveling great distances for perceived ‘better competition’ that in reality exists right in our own neighborhoods, and more. The absence of those elements of youth sports from my family’s life over the last year has been a palpable weight lifted. As we look forward to once again watching our kids play, I don’t believe a full reset of the organized youth sports system is likely, but I do have hope that there is a large population of families like mine that believe the system can shift toward a more sustainable and balanced approach.”

Resource: https://truesport.org/perseverance/lessons-learned-one-year-covid-19/

Whether you're a child or an adult, a coach or a parent, a teammate or a team leader, difficult conversations are never easy. Having frank discussions that feel confrontational can be intimidating and emotionally taxing at any age, but fortunately, there are ways to improve your athlete's ability to handle difficult conversations with teammates, coaches and parents. And this won't just improve their ability to communicate with their team now -- this is a skill that will help them navigate life.

Here, Nadia Kyba, MSW, TrueSport Expert and President of Now What Facilitation, explains how to use a form of nonviolent communication when beginning a tough conversation, as well as how to practice it in a low-stress setting.

Be okay with emotion

The most important lesson to teach a young athlete is that it's okay to feel emotional when approaching a hard conversation, whether it's asking the coach how to get more playing time, or asking a teammate why she won't pass the ball during games. "People often avoid having hard conversations because they're afraid that they'll get emotional -- start crying -- during them," Kyba says. "But that's okay. And if you take the time to prepare and have a bit of a script, maybe even practice having the conversation out loud to yourself or a trusted adult, then it's going to be easier to do it. I try to get people to prepare ahead of time when possible, and then invite the other person to have the talk at a set time rather than just getting into it."

Think before you start

On the note of preparation, Kyba is a firm believer in scripting out what you want to say and knowing what you want to get out of the confrontation. The worst kind of difficult conversation is when both parties leave feeling as though they weren't understood and their needs weren't met. "Whenever you're feeling like you're about to have, or need to have, some kind of confrontation, the best thing to do is to step back and pause," says Kyba. Think about the conversation you hope to have. What are the facts that you're bringing in? Are there any assumptions that you're making that may not be true? What exactly is the problem that you want solved? Taking five minutes to journal through these questions can make the conversation much clearer, which means it's much more likely to get resolved in a way that benefits both parties.

Set the stage

For a young athlete, setting the stage for a conversation may mean setting a time to speak with the coach during his or her office hours, texting a teammate to see if they can talk before or after practice, or even leaving a note for a parent asking for a parent/child meeting in the evening. Having a face-to-face discussion is ideal, Kyba says, but video chat or phone will work if in-person meetings are impossible right now. She recommends avoiding text or email to have a tough conversation though, since tone of voice is critical. "If you're nervous about crying, then try having your talk on the phone -- plus, that way you can have your notes in front of you," she points out.

Follow the script

Kyba recommends using this five-step approach to a difficult conversation. Of course, not every person will be on the same page, but having this script worked out in your head or on paper before beginning the conversation can be extremely helpful.

1) Acknowledge: "Thank you for taking the time to talk to me."

First, thank the person and acknowledge them for being willing to have this conversation, Kyba says. This helps establish a positive space for the discussion and emphasizes the desire to have a conversation, not a fight.

2) Describe: "In the game yesterday, I was open a lot, but I noticed that you never passed me the ball."

Without adding any emotion or feelings, explain what you want to discuss. Use facts and keep it as simple as possible.

3) Feeling: "I felt overlooked."

Now, you can explain how the incident made you feel, but beware of using a feeling to create a fact. For instance, saying, "I feel like you don't like me," or "I feel like you think I'm a bad player," isn't about your emotion. This part of the script should only focus on your internal emotion, not attaching blame. More specifically, try to avoid saying "I feel like," since that often adds an external element to your feeling instead of describing an internal emotion. For the person you're having the conversation with, this will feel less like a personal attack.

4) Need: "I need to understand if there was some reason you weren't passing me the ball."

Difficult conversations often go poorly when the person initiating the discussion doesn't actually know what they need in order to resolve the problem, so before you start speaking, make sure you know what you really want. "What do you need in order to feel better about the situation?" asks Kyba. Often, the answer is more complicated than you might initially think. In this example, for instance, the immediate assumption would be that the person starting the conversation wants the ball to be passed to her. But really, what she needs is the reason the ball wasn't getting passed in the first place. Did her teammate simply not notice her, or is there a social dynamic at play, or was another player just within closer passing distance?

5) Request: "Could you let me know what your thinking was during the game?"

After you've stated your need, it's important to break down your need into a request that the other person can respond to. Again, people often skip this step and leave a conversation unfulfilled because they couldn’t articulate what the other person can do to meet their specific need. "In this case, you're not trying to change what happens in the next game yet, you're just trying to gather the facts and information from this last game and understand why the ball wasn't passed to you," says Kyba. Then, you have the information to either continue the conversation or make an action plan for the next game.

Your conversation may be concluded at this point. If you haven't come to a good understanding or found a solution, you can begin the process again. This is just a starting point, says Kyba. Thank the other person for taking the time to listen to you and try describing what you think the response to your request was, and how you feel about it.

Practice, practice, practice

Don't wait for a problem before teaching your athletes about this script! Parents and coaches can benefit from roleplaying a few difficult conversations with their young athletes. "You can role play some silly scenarios and let athletes work out their scripts, which feels like fun, but they do learn to be more prepared for when they need to have real conversations," Kyba says. "The more you get used to using this script, the easier it is to have a difficult conversation that ends with both parties feeling heard."

Takeaway

Having difficult conversations is never easy, but it is important for young athletes to learn this skill, as it offers benefits in both sport and life. These tips will help parents and coaches prepare their athletes to have difficult conversations and find effective resolutions.

Resource: https://truesport.org/respect-accountability/help-athletes-difficult-conversations/

We all make assumptions throughout the day -- it's part of human nature. But young athletes sometimes make judgements based on assumptions that may or may not be true, and these misguided assumptions can hurt a team's dynamic.

The COVID-19 pandemic has also exacerbated assumption-making in every arena, and young people are particularly vulnerable as school and sports practices have shifted to remote models.

Here, Nadia Kyba, MSW, TrueSport Expert and President of Now What Facilitation, explains how assumptions can be dangerous and how an athlete interaction, when left unchecked, can go from a minor incident during a game to a major problem for a team.

The Circle of Inference

According to Kyba, the Circle of Inference explains how we interpret information and actions based on assumptions to form beliefs that drive our actions. Conflict arises when athletes misinterpret another person’s motives based on their own perception of the facts.

Below, Kyba walks through an example of how a missed opportunity for a pass in a soccer game could lead to a player quitting the team because he feels like his teammates all dislike him. It might sound overly dramatic to a coach or parent, but to a young athlete who's basing his actions on selected facts with his underlying assumptions and beliefs, it's a very real scenario.

The Action: During a soccer game, Joe is running up the midfield, open, and calls to Andy to pass him the ball. Instead, Andy passes the ball to Tim.

"Now, Joe is making a whole bunch of assumptions about why Andy made that pass choice," Kyba explains. "He isn't asking if Andy passed to Tim because there was actually a defender standing behind him, or because Tim was in a better passing position, or if Andy didn't hear him call out. Joe is seeing Andy not pass him the ball through his own lens of assumptions and beliefs." What we're looking at now is Joe's version of events, in order to see how dangerous assumptions can be.

Selected Facts: Andy ignored Joe in favor of passing the ball to another player.

Often, an athlete like Joe will operate with only the initial selected fact -- that Andy didn't pass the ball to him -- without thinking through other facts, like what else was happening in the game, if Andy heard him, or if Tim was in a better position. Instead, athletes should, "Start by asking ‘What do I know?’" says Kyba. You can also ask, "What don't I know?" Pausing and journaling about these questions may help an athlete skip assumption-making in favor of a more rational explanation.

Assumptions: Andy thinks that Joe is a terrible soccer player.

In this case, that's the assumption Joe is making. He doesn't have any facts that prove it -- Andy has never said that Joe is terrible at soccer -- he's basing this entirely on the lack of a pass during one game. But this is how the human mind tends to work, Kyba explains. "We make assumptions, working with selected facts. We're not working with a 360-degree view of exactly what happened," she says. "We just take the little bits of information that we have and form our assumption based on that small slice of information."

Beliefs: Beliefs go beyond assumptions from an event; they are based on how a person perceives the world and themselves after years of information being processed in a certain way. Here, Joe believes he isn't a very good soccer player and struggles with self-confidence.

"People who feel insecure in a situation or certain context will have a different narrative going in their head about what's going on," Kyba explains. So, in this case, Joe isn't just seeing Andy not passing him the ball, he's seeing this as confirmation that everyone else thinks he's a terrible soccer player. He might also already have a belief that the people on the team don't like him or think he's very good, which will also impact his assessment of the situation.

Interpersonal Mush: The goalie mentions to Joe that he noticed Andy purposely not passing the ball to Joe.

"The mush is incoming information based on the way other people are interpreting the story," Kyba explains. So, in this case, now the goalie's assumption that Andy didn't pass on purpose is added to the mix, further muddying the waters. The goalie has his own set of assumptions about what went on during the game, so now Joe has his own assumptions and beliefs mixed in with those of the goalie. This is why inter-team gossip can quickly escalate problems between teammates.

Actions: Joe quits the team.

With all the beliefs and assumptions at play, it's easy to see how Joe could end up leaving the team altogether. It seems dramatic to quit after a single ball-passing incident, but as you can see from the addition of beliefs and assumptions, a small action can lead to much bigger results -- especially for young people who struggle to have difficult conversations to get to the bottom of problems. "He could quit the team, or maybe he goes home and sends a mean text to Andy and starts a fight, or he sends a text to other teammates telling them to not pass to Andy the next game -- either way, Joe's response can easily change the team dynamic," Kyba says.

How to avoid conflict from making assumptions

From this somewhat simplified example, it's easy to see how one athlete failing to pass the ball to another athlete in the first game of the season can have a ripple effect for the next game, and the next, all the way to the finals. After one action comes a reaction, and that reaction starts the circle of inference all over again. That is why it's important to make sure that your young athletes become aware of how they make assumptions and the conflict it can create.

Especially when coaching teenagers, it's important to remind them that not every perceived slight is actually about them. "Even as adults, rarely are these situations about us," Kyba says. "But we all have years of assumptions and beliefs that make us feel as though a simple action is much more meaningful than it actually is." Even if our assumptions do turn out to be correct, it’s better to gather the facts, engage in discussion, and then make a conclusion.

Ultimately, as you read through this example, you probably realized that Joe could have avoided leaving the team if he had simply paused, looked at the objective facts -- Andy passed to Tim and not to Joe -- and then had a conversation with Andy about it. Joe likely would have realized that Andy simply didn't see or hear him during the game. "Once you get clear on the facts and your own assumptions, it's much easier to have a conversation and come to a more informed conclusion," Kyba adds.

Resource: https://truesport.org/decision-making/minimize-conflict-from-assumptions/

When it comes to diet trends, it's nearly impossible to keep up. One minute, juicing is the latest and greatest, and the next time you pick up a magazine, there's a whole new food group to avoid. It can be easy for adults and young athletes alike to assume that the diet trend of the moment is a good idea. But of course, we know that the best diet is a healthy, balanced, sustainable one -- and that rarely are trends healthy in the long term.

Another thing to keep in mind: How you eat and how you talk about your body and your food will impact your athlete, whether you mean it to or not. It's also important to note that a diet that is healthy for you may not be the right one for an athletic, growing child. "What you do as an adult does not apply to your kids, especially if they are active," says TrueSport Expert Kristen Ziesmer, a registered dietitian and board-certified specialist in sports dietetics. If you are on a specific diet for some reason, make sure your athlete understands that they don’t need to eat exactly like you.

An athlete hopping on a diet trend may also be trying to lose weight in an unhealthy way, so if you notice your athlete suddenly becoming interested in a juice cleanse, intermittent fasting, or a restrictive diet, that could be a warning sign of unhealthy behavior. In fact, research has shown that as many as 35 percent of dieters will progress into disordered eating.

Here are a few trendy diets that have popped up in recent years that your athlete should skip.

Low carb or keto diet

A low carbohydrate or ketogenic diet that focuses primarily on fat for fuel, with some protein, can be disastrous for young athletes from a caloric, hormonal and metabolic standpoint. "Young athletes definitely need that balanced plate, which includes carbs. And as their activity level increases, the carb requirements go up," explains Ziesmer. "A low-carb or keto diet is meant for a sedentary person, and again, definitely not for a kid. In fact, kids actually function more off glucose and carbohydrates than adults do."

But remember, balance is key. Ziesmer notes that fat is also a critical macronutrient, and that the amount needed also goes up the more active your athlete is. And protein should be a constant, with a few palm-sized servings spread throughout the day.

Whole30

"I've worked with several athletes who ended up doing a Whole30 diet with their parents," says Ziesmer. "But that limits a child's caloric intake far too much." A diet like the Whole30 that restricts many different food groups, from dairy to certain vegetables, makes it nearly impossible for your child to eat enough to fuel for training, and limits their ability to consume snacks that are healthy during activity, such as granola bars or sports drinks.

Vegan diet

A vegan diet can be healthy, but it can also be a red flag. "Unfortunately, I've seen many girls adopt a vegan diet as a way to cut calories or control something in their life. And it basically turns into an eating disorder at that point," Ziesmer says.

"If an athlete wants to become a vegetarian or vegan, I wouldn't say that they shouldn’t do it. But I do think that they need to meet with a dietitian to make sure they're getting all their nutrients and approaching this lifestyle choice in a healthy way. A lot of people don't know what they're doing with a vegan diet, so they just wind up eating a plate of vegetables, or a lot of junk -- Oreos are vegan! -- and they have very little protein. It ends up being very unbalanced."

Intermittent fasting

Intermittent fasting -- limiting the time window when an athlete is eating every day (often only allowing a person between six and eight hours to eat) -- can be difficult, especially when an athlete is at school and then at practice, or worse, at two practices each day. A time-limit on eating may mean your athlete skips critical meals, heads to game day with an empty stomach, doesn't refuel after a practice or goes to bed hungry. It also means they may not learn to read their own hunger cues properly, relying on a clock instead of their hunger to know when to eat.

Even worse, Ziesmer notes, is the combination of intermittent fasting with any other restrictive diet -- which is more common than you may expect. For instance, combining fasting for 16 hours per day with the Whole30 diet can easily mean that an athlete is eating under 500 calories daily.

Takeaway

Many young athletes are interested and committed to doing everything they can to boost athletic performance, including the latest diet trends, but parents and coaches can help athletes prioritize their health by avoiding unbalanced and unhealthy eating habits. To learn more about proper sports nutrition, download the TrueSport Nutrition Guide and consider meeting with a registered dietitian.

Resource: https://truesport.org/nutrition/nutrition-myths-diet-trends/