After Justin Turner selected redhead kid for first pitch, Vin Scully explained their looming extinction
Scully explains that gingers will be extinct by 2030
Vin Scully should have his own morning television show in the vein of Mister Rogers' Neighborhood. He would just tie his shoes and softly opine about the little things that make life worth living, helping viewers everywhere look inward to the best version of their selves. #WouldWatch
Until then, we've got to settle for making most of the Vin Scully we do get. The one who poetically textualizes the goings on of the Dodgers and eloquently educates us during the down time in his baseball broadcast. Just one day after providing a valuable history lesson on the origin and evolution of the American flag, Scully touched on a much darker topic: the looming extinction of all red-headed people.
Scully -- who self-identifies as an adult red-headed person -- explains that the Dodgers had infielder Justin Turner (who is also a redhead) hand select a red-headed child from the stands to throw out a ceremonial first pitch before the game on Sunday. During Turner's third-inning at-bat against Mets rookie Steven Matz, Scully also explained that he'd been told that our not-so-distant future would be sans redheads:
Oh, no! We don't want to imagine a world without redheads and we certainly don't want to imagine a world without Vin Scully. Who will hypnotize us with old time-y stories of Satchel Paige and Whitey Herzog? Who will narrate adorable babies dancing in the stands? Who will educate us on the unluckiest day of the Gregorian calendar? Who will preside over the Rose Bowl parade? That's it. I'm starting an expedition to find the fountain of youth so that we can bring Vin Scully there and have him tell us stories forever and ever. Who's with me?
For what it's worth, Scully was referencing a story in The Independent from 2014 in which two Scottish scientists posited that global warming and decreased cloud cover could lead to the gene mutation that causes pale skin and red hair to become less and less common over generations. Scientists from the Smithsonean and the University of California at San Francisco disputed the findings reported in The Independent. So, now you know.