Globe iconLogin iconRecap iconSearch iconTickets icon

Prepare for Opening Day with these haiku reviews of every MLB team's offseason moves

Spring Training is winding down and Opening Day is fast approaching. If you're the kind of fan who's mostly tuned out since October … welcome back.
It's been a long winter, and you may have missed some of the many wheelings and dealings. That's understandable, since there were hundreds of transactions and you probably have limited time on your hands.
To catch you up on all of MLB's updated 2016 rosters while respecting that limited time and also keeping things poetic, here are haiku summaries of everything you need to know heading into the new season:
Eppler makes a splash
Trades for Andrelton and Yunel
New year, new left side
Wanted a closer.
Got flamethrower Ken Giles.
Productive winter.
Not as many moves
As we're used to Beane making.
Rich Hill, though. Rich Hill

Revere for Storen,
Estrada, Happ back again
Lineup remains nuts
Rebuild continues.
Newcomb, Blair, Dansby Swanson
We'll see them real soon.
Lots of little moves
David Stearns making his mark.
Kirk Nieuwenhuis, y'all.
Mike Leake: good pitcher.
Just don't remind anyone
That Heyward is gone.

Zo back with Maddon
Heyward and Lackey from Cards
New lineup every day?
Kazmir, Maeda:
Can several decent starters
Replace one Greinke?

Zack Greinke. Greinke.
Zack Greinke. Zack. Zack Greinke.
Shelby Miller. Zack.
Cueto, Samardzija,
Span too. Preparing for the
Even year magic.  
Added veterans
Nasty rotation remains
Quietly improved

Way too many moves
To fit into a haiku
Does Dipoto sleep?
Biggest move might be
Their Home Run King hitting coach.
Also, Wei-Yin Chen.
Walker in for Murph
Bartolo back, Yo returns
In a sweet new ride
Got Murphy, Revere,
And didn't trade Bryce Harper.
That's probably smart!
Brought back O'Day, Crush.
Brought in Trumbo, Gallardo.
And Fowler! Almost.

New faces again
Add Alexei, Jay and a
Crooked hat closer
Enter Matt Klentak.
First trade: Giles to Houston
For some nice prospects.

Swapped Walker for Niese.
Bye Pedro, hello Jaso
Freese til Kang is back
Top shortstop still free?
He can probably play left!
Hey, Ian Desmond.
Dealt a reliever
For high-upside outfielder
Rays still gonna Rays
New era begins
Frazier, Chapman now elsewhere
Young talent inbound
Out with Dickerson,
In with Gerardo Parra.
Jake McGee, closer?
Royals
Why fix what ain't broke?
Alex Gordon sticks around
Salvy extended.  

Needed pitching help
So added Price and Kimbrel
Yeah, that'll do it
Upton, Zimmermann
No Dombrowski, no problem.
Cam Maybin returns!

Quiet offseason
Besides Korean slugger,
Byung-Ho Park. Dingers!
Lawrie, Avila,
And the Home Run Derby champ
Enter Todd Frazier.
Yankees
Warren for Starlin
Oh, and Aroldis Chapman
Best bullpen ever?
Jordan Shusterman is a co-founder of Cespedes Family BBQ. You can follow him on Twitter at @CespedesBBQ.

BarberJordan
beephero
AP_702417634020
NYC