I ate an entire order of Kauffman Stadium's cheesy corn brisket-achos and lived to tell the tale

I had no intention of actually eating Kauffman Stadium's cheesy corn brisket-achos. 

The original plan was simple: order 'em, photograph 'em for @MLBFood and then gift the untouched carbo-salad to an unsuspecting but inevitably grateful Royals fan. I would be productive, health-conscious and generous all at once. I would feel the smug satisfaction of self-restraint in the face of instant gratification.

I had never been more delusional.

Somewhere after corn-infused nacho cheese sauce and smoked brisket had been piled on top of the tortilla chips but before barbecue sauce had been ladled -- yes, literally applied with a utensil usually reserved for serving soup -- on top, my impulse control disintegrated. I might not be back in Kansas City for another 29 years! I can still give away nachos with only a few chips missing!

Do you want cole slaw on top? Sure, but only because it'll add color contrast to the photo -- and definitely not because I enjoy mayonnaise far more than I'd like to admit. 

Once I had the nachos in hand, things happened quickly. A taste became a meal, and a meal became a performance art ode to gluttony. By the time I came up for air, only a few chips remained swimming in a puddle of barbecue-corn-cheese. I tossed used napkins on top to show the world I wasn't the kind of person who finishes an entire order of cheesy corn brisket-achos by myself in a single sitting.

Seconds later, I glanced around to make sure nobody was looking, removed the napkins and dove in one final time. The saturated chips had congealed into a nearly drinkable sweet-salty slurry. It was delectable.

Several hours later, the shame and the gastric distress have faded, leaving behind only pride. I came to Kansas City to experience Kauffman Stadium at its World Series finest. I saw the most decadent locally inspired ballpark fare this place had to offer. I conquered it all in relatively Chestnut-ian fashion. 

At least I thought I did. It's recently come to my attention that the cheesy corn brisket-achos are actually available in a larger size which is served in a souvenir helmet. Challenge accepted, Game 2.