Five baseball oddities we need the X-Files' Mulder and Scully to investigate
On Sunday night, FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully will return to their basement office and officially reopen the X-Files. Because, as we all know, the truth is out there, and we just need the FBI's two most intrepid agents to hunt it down.
While they will likely spend their time focusing on secret government conspiracies instead of baseball (even though they have tread that ground before), here are the five things that we need them to investigate right now.
We have also provided some sample dialogue in case the producers decide to come back with another miniseries, this time focused solely on baseball.
Sure, his player page says he's from "Vineland, N.J.," but when you look at a player who, through just over four years in the Majors has a .304/.397/.559 batting line with 139 home runs, 113 stolen bases and dozens of amazing catches in the outfield, it's a question worth exploring.
After all, couldn't he be related to the Jersey Devil, star of season one, episode five?
Mulder: Just look at this, Scully. You can't watch someone swing with that much force and tell me that's normal.
Scully: Mulder, what you're saying is crazy. Mike Trout is nothing more than a man blessed with amazing genetics and a strong work ethic. What you're talking about is a folk tale, a myth.
Mulder: But you will admit that it's possible that a pre-Cambrian man emerged from the woods, untouched by society, and became amazing at baseball?
Scully: Sure, Mulder. And I guess you'll tell me that his natural club-swinging abilities are part of it, too?
Colon is a 42-year-old pitcher who succeeds despite throwing 80 percent fastballs to batters. Not only that, but after a career largely spent in the American League, he has come over to the Mets and watched as his hit total quadrupled in only a single year. That just doesn't happen.
Mulder: Most ballplayers are retired and sitting on their couches at 42, not getting better. I think we've discovered someone who, for some reason, has reversed aging.
Scully: That's impossible, Mulder.
Mulder: Is it Scully? Think of all the cases we've seen -- like Eugene Victor Tooms, who has lived for at least 100 years. Scientists are cracking the genetic code and learning new things about the human body all the time. Isn't it possible that through some freak mutation, Bartolo is different?
Scully: Then how do we prove it? Barring an autopsy, that is -- and let me remind you that Colon is still alive.
In 2013, a strange floating object appeared in the waters (twice!) behind AT&T Park. Most just took it as a harmless prank, the work of someone with a bit too much time on their hands. But what if it was something else?
Scully: You're not seriously suggesting that this thing is extraterrestrial in origin, are you Mulder?
Mulder: Of course not.
Scully: Oh, thank go--
Mulder: What I am suggesting is that it was designed by the government using extraterrestrial information given in exchange for our cooperation. Just look at the paneling on the outside of the dome, Scully. That is far beyond our human capabilities.
This December, in the Venezuelan Winter League, Jesus Guzman hit an extra-innings grand slam and then pulled off a bat flip that stretched belief. Maybe there's a reason for that.
Mulder: (showing Scully an image of the bat flip on the projector) What do you see, Scully?
Scully: I see a man throwing his bat in the air, celebrating after hitting a grand slam. And then a man in this room with too much time on his hands.
Mulder: Right, but look at most bat flips. (Mulder pulls up a variety of others.) Most don't have anywhere near the height that Guzman achieved. Thousands of UFO abductees have reported feelings of weightlessness and seeing objects floating when in contact with an ET. You can't discount the possibility.
Scully: What you're trying to tell me is that some alien lifeform traveled across the cosmos to, what, take in a Winter League game?
Mulder: Wouldn't you do the same?
While the Marlins took on the Nationals in Washington in September, the TV cameras picked up one very interesting fan in attendance that day. Just who, or what, could it be?
Mulder: Well, Scully, aren't you going to tell me how this is a camera trick or some strange effect from the light?
Scully: No, that's definitely an alien.
