Bartolo Colon celebrated his double by giving Cesar Hernandez a shoulder massage

Bartolo Colon is unlike any other player in sports. He's an over-40, mid-80s fastball-hurling, dinger-hitting wonder of the modern world. And while he is seemingly getting better at baseball at a time when most players are making their way up the managerial ranks, he's keeping his career options open. 
Taking on the Phillies during a 9-4 victory on Friday night, not only did Colon pick up his first two-hit game since 2002 (only 34 other active Major Leaguers were even in the big leagues then, and two of them, Alex Rodriguez and David Ortiz, are retiring this year), he also showed off his plans for when he does retire: Professional masseuse. 

He is a man of many talents. Just what would a Bartolo Colon spa day look like, though? Well: 

• Expert shoulder massages
  - Full-body muscle relaxation. Let those tired, sore muscles get stretched the Bartolo way. 

• Front-of-body massages

• Hot stone massage. Except, instead of hot stones, they are warmed up baseballs thrown at you with expert precision by Colon himself. 
  - Parrafin wax baths. Because it's just not a massage without hot parrafin wax.