7 essential life skills we learned from David Ortiz

According to Big Papi himself, 2016 will be David Ortiz's last season in MLB: 

But don't worry -- even though it causes us pain, we'll be able to make it on our own, because it turns out that Big Papi taught us quite a few things about life, like …

1. How to make a good first impression

Ortiz wasn't always the Red Sox stalwart you imagine. He actually started his career with the Mariners and was later traded to the Twins, with whom he made his MLB debut in 1997. He only played 15 games that year, but he showed up at Minnesota's Spring Training in 1998 with an open heart:  

Just look at that smile! Is there anyone else in the in the world you'd rather sit next to at lunch?

2. How to be a great friend

After the Twins released Ortiz in 2002, he had dinner with his buddy Pedro Martinez. Then, on Jan. 22, 2003, he signed a free agent contract with the Red Sox. Are the two events connected? Let's just say that Pedro had his back, and he had Pedro's. After all, what else would you call a 2004 postseason in which he hit .400/.515/.764 and did things like this?

That's true friendship -- after all, his performance led to this moment for both of them:

Yeah, that's just Pedro and Papi hanging out at Disney World after winning Boston's first World Series in 86 years.

And Ortiz still makes new friends everywhere he goes. He even comes up with fun nicknames for them!

Noah Syndergaard was geeked out when David Ortiz talked to him at first base, came to this conclusion: "We're pretty much best friends now."

- Joe Trezza (@JoeTrezz) August 30, 2015

David Ortiz was highly complimentary of Mets pitching, but slightly whiffed on Noah Syndergaard's nickname, referring to him as "Thork."

- Adam Rubin (@AdamRubinESPN) August 30, 2015

3. How to dress for success

As you can see in the Disney photo above, Ortiz knows what to wear in every situation. Obviously, chilling with Mickey requires a boater hat. It just does.

Need to know what to pull out of your closet when you're discussing contract status on TV? Put on this outfit, including a delightful furry accessory:

If you're looking for an extremely casual hat, give this one a try:

S.o. 2 @NewEraCap for hookin me up with this hat for the new year...lookin good!!!! pic.twitter.com/kQBjZu04jI

- David Ortiz (@davidortiz) January 3, 2015

Step aside, Heidi Klum. Ortiz is the only person who can tell us what's in and what's out.

4. How to give the best hugs

They look amazing. Just watch and learn:

5. How to awaken your latent psychic powers

Clearly over his many years in MLB, Papi has learned how to tap into the kinetic energy of the universe long enough to sense what's coming next. Case in point:

He had a vision that the next pitch would be a ball, so he just started walking to first base early. (We're pretty sure that the key to becoming a psychic has a lot to do with your slugging percentage.)

6. How to express your feelings

Sure, Ortiz is famous for his power at the plate, but there's no denying the power of his words, not all of which are safe for work. In 2013, he gave an emotional speech after the Boston Marathon bombing that immediately became iconic:

7. How to hit monster home runs

JK -- you have to go on that journey yourself -- but he can teach you how to appreciate them!