27 things Giancarlo Stanton could buy for $325 million

The Marlins have announced that they've signed outfielder/home run superstar Giancarlo Stanton to a 13-year, $325 million contract -- the biggest in the history of North American professional sports.

.@MLB.com's @JoeFrisaro confirms @Marlins, @Giancarlo818 agree to 13-year, $325 million deal. http://t.co/OWC9CtJaie pic.twitter.com/ArWVhfJXzh

- MLB (@MLB) November 18, 2014

Let that number sink in ... $325 million. 

In case you're struggling to visualize what $325 million looks like, allow us to explain it in more concrete terms.

You know that annoying toy fish that sings every time you walk past it? Well, that thing's named Billy the Big Mouth Bass, and he's available on eBay for $15 (plus $10 shipping and handling). At that rate, Stanton could buy a Billy for himself and 12,999,999 of his closest friends.

If Stanton's looking to upgrade his digs after the new deal, he could just buy Derek Jeter's Tampa pad for $12 million. With the remaining $313 million, Stanton would have enough to charter a helicopter to fly him from Tampa to Marlins Park and back for each of the 1,296 home games to be played before his extension runs out.

For $300 million, Stanton could buy this luxury yacht and then give each member of its 154-person crew and each of the 69 guests he could invite aboard $1.4 million. Yes, the yacht has a concert hall that can accommodate a large orchestra. We knew you'd ask.

After he paid for all of Miami's property taxes, Stanton would still have more than $85 million left ... enough to reimburse the citizens of Stanton, Calif., for every new single-family home built since 1997.

He could pay for 1.625 million people to swim with dolphins.

For $325 million, Stanton could have financed the 2014 films 22 Jump Street, The Fault in Our Stars, Gone Girl, Guardians of the Galaxy and Lucy. Those movies have grossed more than $926 million domestically.

Based on the average attendance at Marlins Park in 2014, Stanton could buy a replica of his own jersey and give one to every fan who shows up for the next 151 games.

He could run for governor of Florida ... twice.

A 30-second spot during Super Bowl XLVIII costs $4 million. At that rate, Stanton could have paid for more than 40 minutes worth of advertisements.

Early in 2014, Stanton made an appearance on MLB Network's Off the Bat, in which he set up shop in a junk yard and pelted lemons with baseballs. With $325 million in his pocket, Stanton could trade that bat in for a 2011 AL-JON 580CL with a Cat C6.6 engine for $325,000. Then, he could buy the world-renowned car collections owned by Jerry Seinfeld, Jay Leno and Tim Allen -- along with Ralph Lauren's $40 million 1938 Bugatti -- and turn them all to really big paperweights.

It was recently confirmed that Stanton is a big fan of the West Coast burger chain, In-N-Out. A standard In-N-Out meal of two double-doubles, fries (animal style, because duh) and a milkshake costs a little less than $9. With $325 million, he could take all of Miami's 417,650 citizens out to lunch ... 86 times.

He could buy enough jet skis to give 130,000 people one heck of a ride.

According to CollegeBoard.org, tuition and fees for a year at the University of Miami costs $44,450. At that rate -- and assuming it will take each student eight semesters to graduate -- Stanton could pay to send 1,827 kids to college. 

The town of Stanton, Calif. has approximately 11,283 households. Stanton could donate each of $28,804 to each of those households. The median household income in Stanton is $50,542.

The world's most expensive watch just sold at auction for $24.4 million. So he could buy one for himself, each of the Marlins' other seven everyday players and the entire starting rotation (if there were 13 of the watches lying around somewhere).

He could buy the Florida Panthers.

Miami natives Enrique Iglesias and Mr. Worldwide himself, Pitbull, recently announced a 12-stop U.S. tour in early 2015. With his new deal, Stanton could purchase every ticket to every show at an average of approximately $85 a pop. Then, he could give every fan at every show $20 for refreshments. Even after all of that, he wouldn't have burned through the money he'll earn in just the final year of his new contract.

He could buy the same model private jet that Mark Cuban owns. Actually, he could buy five of them.

Earlier in 2014, Stanton and teammate A.J. Ramos got a private tour of Miami's Zoological Wildlife Foundation, where they got to cuddle with exotic animal cubs. With his new contract, Stanton could pay for each of Florida's 4,027,889 minors to take a private tour of the facility. He'd still have enough left over to send 2,048,555 adults to accompany them, creating a child/chaperone ratio of 1.97. Not exactly a bad class size.

Stanton could buy CSI Miami: The Complete Series on DVD for each of Miami-Dade County's 2.617 million citizens ... ya know, assuming they made that many copies.

The Miami Heat play their home games in American Airlines Arena. Its maximum capacity is 19,600 and the average price of a ticket is $58.55. That means a sellout's worth of tickets costs $1,147,580. At that rate, Stanton could buy every ticket to every home game for nearly seven seasons (not including playoffs, not accounting for season-ticket discounts).

For $325 million, Stanton could finance Miami Vice 2 and Miami Vice 3 into full-length feature films. If each are as commercially successful as the 2006 Colin Farrell/Jamie Foxx vehicle, he could use the profits to finance Miami Vice 4.

When the Citi Bank/Mets agreement expires, he could theoretically pay to have the stadium named for himself for more than a decade and a half.

In 2013, a record number of tourists visited the state of Florida. If the same number of people visit the state annually from 2014-16, Stanton could give each of them a dollar and still have a more than $40 million left over.

At about $818/month, Stanton could pay for every person at an Orange Bowl sellout to go on the South Beach Diet for a full year.

Assuming an average booking fee of $18,750, Stanton could hire 2 Live Crew to play a private event every single day for nearly 47 years. 

Stanton could give $1 to every person in America and still have $9 million left for himself (but we'd probably go with the 2 Live Crew thing).