Lovullo remembers Bean as 'most loving friend' baseball could have

CLEVELAND -- Torey Lovullo just wanted one more lap.

In January, Lovullo met with his lifelong friend Billy Bean for a walk in Central Park. Anywhere else in the world, chances are someone would have recognized the two members of baseball royalty: one a manager coming off a World Series berth, the other MLB’s Senior Vice President for Diversity, Equity & Inclusion and Special Assistant to the Commissioner.

But, on that crisp, sunny January day in a city that can turn the famous into the anonymous, it was just two friends sharing a two-hour walk through the park. And Lovullo didn’t want it to end.

A year prior, Bean had been diagnosed with Acute Myeloid Leukemia, a diagnosis that the public didn’t know about until Bean announced it via video call at the Winter Meetings with Lovullo by his side.

On Tuesday, Bean passed away following a yearlong fight with Acute Myeloid Leukemia. He was 60.

“I’m grateful for that [walk] because that was the last time I saw him,” Lovullo said Wednesday. “He talked about the process and the next steps. It was fairly complicated, but he convinced me it was going to work out.”

For almost all of Lovullo’s managerial career, almost every question he’s answered in a visiting manager’s office has been about baseball.

But on Wednesday, he wasn’t a baseball tactician explaining his bullpen move or roster construction. He was a human discussing the loss of another human.

And what a human Billy Bean was.

Bean, who was gay, had a six-year MLB career, but stepped away from the game at 31, in large part because he never truly felt comfortable in his skin while playing in MLB -- a sport that still has never had an active player who was out as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.

In 1999, Bean publicly came out as gay, which immediately became national news. He’s still only the second former player to come out as gay, joining Glenn Burke, who came out in 1982.

"I was mad at myself for not picking up on that or empathizing," Lovullo told MLB.com's Anthony Castrovince of his reaction when Bean came out. "I walked through my own progression of guilt."

After drifting apart in a way, the two rekindled their friendship in 2005, which corresponded with the beginning of Lovullo’s managerial journey. When Bean was hired by then-Commissioner Bud Selig in 2014, he became MLB’s first-ever Ambassador for Inclusion, with one of his responsibilities being to travel to every MLB clubhouse to pass along a message of the sport's societal impact and public responsibility. When he went to Boston’s clubhouse (where Lovullo was serving as bench coach at the time), Lovullo stood up and spoke on his behalf.

It was as if fate brought them back together at the right time.

“I love my friend and I knew what his journey was,” Lovullo said Wednesday. “He was so happy doing it and he needed support. I had no problem supporting him the best way that I could. We were coming from the same tree branch but we went in different directions, but I always wanted to support his dream.”

Bean later became a senior advisor to Commissioner Rob Manfred, where his role focused on player education, LGBTQ inclusion, and social justice initiatives.

“He left everything he touched in a better place,” Lovullo said. “He’d walk into a room and when he left, he’d want to make sure that everybody was okay. Baseball is more diverse today because of him. Baseball has more understanding of the LGBTQ community because of him. To put himself out there and take the risks that he did was extremely courageous.”

While not everyone Bean met through his job agreed with or understood his message, Lovullo said that Bean always made it a point to try to meet everyone in the middle.

“[That courage] was there when he’d have to align with people that didn’t necessarily see things or want to deal with the things that he was dealing with,” he said. “He took that on the chin time and time again. He expressed how frustrating that was, but you never knew it because he wanted to make baseball a better place with diversity and fairness.

“And he was easily the fairest and most loving friend I had. We all miss him. We all love him and I want people to know that his fierceness matched his kindness. He was dedicated and just so kind to people. It’s a devastating loss.”

Lovullo and Bean’s relationship was on full display at the Winter Meetings when Bean announced his cancer diagnosis via video message at a press conference with an emotional Lovullo.

"I know that it's very hard for you right now, Billy, and it's our turn to take care of you," Lovullo said at the time. "You have been the ultimate giver since the day that I've known you. So even though I know it's going to be very tough for you, it's time for you to sit down and let us love you up and take care of you."

When Lovullo first became the D-backs manager, Bean was behind Arizona’s dugout when Lovullo and the D-backs came back to beat the Giants in their season opener.

Now, as his team begins what’s beginning to feel like a magical run towards a second straight postseason berth, Lovullo knows the 37 men in his dugout will have a 38th watching over them.

“My dream was his dream and his dream was my dream,” Lovullo said.