Watch Statcast measure David Ortiz's very important retirement activities

David Ortiz has retired. Not not only are we deprived of deep drives and impossibly slow trots around the bags, but we also won't get precise measurements of those dingers and leisurely strolls. As the old saying goes, "If a tree falls in the forest and Statcast™ isn't there to measure it, did it really fall?" 
But just because Ortiz has walked away from baseball, that doesn't mean Statcast™ has walked away from him. Now, we can measure things like route efficiency on garbage day or spin rate on pancake flips. Interested in those numbers? Just watch the video below and then sob softly to yourself when you think of Opening Day next year being Papi-Free.