Decide for yourself if this horrendous commercial is real

If you want to get a feel for the culture of a place, spend an hour watching a local television station. It doesn't matter whether the scheduled programming is the local news broadcast or a re-run of a 90s sitcom -- you're not watching for that. The truly rich anthropological study comes during the commercial breaks.

It's in those commercial breaks that you'll get to know the people of the area. You'll hear the accents from the personal injury lawyers seeking to help you get justice for that workplace accident, and you'll get to know the local celebrities as they wander used car lots on the outskirts of town.

Since the advent of the genre, athletes have featured prominently in local commercials. No one is as beloved or trustworthy as the hard-hitting defenseman on the hockey team or the slugger for the ballclub. Only they can point you toward the best deals around.

On Wednesday, Mets rookie slugger Pete Alonso appeared on Jimmy Kimmel Live as part of a commercial for Brooklyn's Grand Prospect Hall. You can decide for yourself if it's real. Remember, it's a local commercial, so pretty much anything goes.

It turns out that it's not quite real. The Grand Prospect Hall is a real place, the spot appears to be shot there and the phone number given is real. Alas, this is a spoof on actual commercials produced by the venue, which are renowned in the genre of local small business commercials for their authentic terribleness. For example:

Even though the Alonso version of the commercial does not appear slated to air as an actual advertisement, it has me sold on the Grand Prospect Hall. If they can guarantee Alonso will be available to play Chopin on the violin with a baseball bat, I'm totally booking my next event there.