Melvin Upton Jr. used a reality-bending slide to pull off a straight steal of home

When last we saw Melvin Upton Jr., he had struck out three times during Wednesday's Mariners-Padres game. Things were ... not great.

But on Friday against the Rockies, Upton was determined to redeem himself, to channel that energy away from man-on-tree violence and toward baseball awesomeness. So, when he found himself on third base with pitcher Drew Pomeranz at the plate, he decided that the moment couldn't be left to chance -- he took off for home.
Except, wait! The throw from Rockies' starter Chris Rusin beat him to the plate! Surely Upton was doomed ... in a world in which he didn't have convenient access to a time portal.

"I knew that he had a slow delivery to the plate out of the windup and kind of extended my lead," Upton told MLB.com's AJ Cassavell after the game. "When he didn't give me a peek, I took off."
As for his manager, though, he was just worried about the guy at the plate: "There's actually a moment of anxiety because you've got Drew Pomeranz at the plate, and nobody's told him not to swing the bat," Andy Green said. "When he came home I was just glad Drew didn't swing and heck of a slide huh? Almost matrix-esque."
Upton joins Jacoby Ellsbury as the only men to pull a straight steal of home this season. But we couldn't help but notice that something felt a little familiar. The mad dash, the crafty slide, the acrobatic tap of home plate -- clearly, Upton is the biggest "Sandlot" fan in San Diego: